Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I need water and some morals
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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