He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
