Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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