just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
