Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
