The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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