I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
