my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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