Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
