Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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