I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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