The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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