if you like me you must not know who I am
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
