Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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