im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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