for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
