normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
