hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My vagina just recognized that song.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
