True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize