Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
