But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
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