I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
