my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
