the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
