Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
cat food counts as protein by the way
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Couch. On fire.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
