Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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