Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
