this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he thought i was a dude.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
