I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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