I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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