fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
