In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I met the friendliest cop last night
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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