Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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