I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
