first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
