Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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