My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
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