totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Randomize
