1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
