eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
