she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
where are you?
Hypothermia
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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