I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
