Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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