Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
