My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
