i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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