WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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