yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
