I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
