3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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