it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
