It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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