did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
