Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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