i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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