If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
