so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need to calm my uterus...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
