I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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