"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
