Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
