I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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