i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
