Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sorry about my life...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
