she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
