Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
