1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
