I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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