Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
