Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
