i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
