God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
