Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
