My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
