I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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