Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize