hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
