Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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