So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize