Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
