Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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