my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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