Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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