I wish I could teleport
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
