just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
