I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
