the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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