If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
