All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
