I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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