We named our party play list daddy issues
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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