One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
