question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
