I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
