My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize