My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
