Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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