I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Can you bring me the toilet please
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
