THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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