I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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