my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
