hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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