my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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