and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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