He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
