Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
