I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
