I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
