But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize