Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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