i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
