is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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