I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
4 words: hood of his car
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
