I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
