hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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