Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
