My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
