I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
