Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
