sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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