question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
