Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
