he wants to bone in the snuggie
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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