If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
