well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
