I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
